10th Avenue

The house on 10th Avenue was one I always remembered as being the less desirable of all the houses I’ve lived in. It was small and funky and in a very rough part of town. It was the first house I moved into after coming back from Mexico and I HATED living in it. I […]

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Alternate Realities

I live in alternate realities. In the one, I am lost and scared. I walk around always looking behind me, to make sure nothing can creep up on me. I feel closed off and closed in. My conversations are fake and I long to be alone. I feel the weight of my internal struggles and […]

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Forty Reasons

My 40th birthday is just around the corner. FORTY. I must say, if you could be inside my swirling thoughts and chaotic emotions for a day, you might think I’m still a child. I recognize that inner child of mine creating mischief, wanting to be seen. I’ve come to love that dear little girl, who […]

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Hold My Hand

Surrendering to the whisper deep within. Come back, Janice, where’ve you been? I make a new song, I hear a new beat. I feel solidity beneath my feet. Are you in despair today? Have you felt you’ve lost the way? Hold my hand for I have too. Let’s begin again, let’s start anew. Rejecting the […]

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Remembering

I view myself from the outside looking in. And here is what I see: An overactive mind, sending mixed messages to my heart.  A single thought becomes a story; a creation of destruction. A single image becomes a movie; a reel of desperation. A single belief becomes who I am. I become it, it becomes […]

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Too Good, Not Good Enough

  Too good, not good enough. Between the two I sway. Ego running everything. Ego ruining my day. I remind myself to settle in, Into that place I know. Into the place of simple peace, I crave that easy flow. But the thoughts come crashing in, Subconscious patterns start again. And back I go to […]

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Complete Peace & Happiness

  Complete peace and happiness is… Taking your children to Mexico City where you grew up and showing them your old house, hanging out with dear friends from your youth, and eating homemade chilaquiles. It’s riding bikes with no helmets, sleeping in the same bed you slept in when you were 12, and hearing your […]

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The World of Love

  Love enters my bones and runs through my veins. It courses through me like fine wine and settles deep within my spirit. I know I am changing. I feel it happening slowly yet purposefully. There is a profound shift within my being and I know very certainly I will not be the same again. […]

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I Open Myself

  Living from a heart space feels so uncertain, so dangerous. But my soul yearns for it all the same. I get uptight. I want to control. Anything and everything. I want to protect. I want to protect myself from pain. I want to shield against the inevitable torrential downpours of life. But what a […]

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Someday…

  Another level of growth. Another painful, internal struggle. I wrestle with my worth. I struggle with comparisons. I am plagued by judgments. Mainly about myself. Externalized towards others. She is beautiful and gets the attention of those around her. I fight and buck and thrash against what is. Against reality. All because I need […]

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